


Not a Monster

by defiersofthestars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defiersofthestars/pseuds/defiersofthestars
Summary: “I want to bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to the new world of yours.”Being evil has a price. And redeemed Ben Solo is ready to pay in full to restore the galaxy. Too bad he still thinks of himself as a monster.Rey wants to remind him strength can be found in something light instead of pain and anger.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52
Collections: Galactic Idiots Collection





	Not a Monster

**Author's Note:**

> This started from my reply to a tweet by @galacticidiots about Netflix's Lucifer. I couldn't resist.

This war doesn’t end with the last Sith Star Destroyer reducing to burning wreckage on Exegol. Too many supporters of the First Order are still scattered across the galaxy, and thousands of stormtroopers still train on the bases, preparing for the fight for elusive ideals.

But now the Resistance has a new ally, unexpected and incredibly powerful. Escaping from the Citadel along with Rey, Ben Solo (also known as Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order) wastes no time and bursts into activity. Actions speak louder than words, he knows it, as well as that this is the only way for him to fix what has been done, to forgive himself – and to make Rey feel safe beside him.

His mind is now haunted again, by one single thought. _I hope this will be enough. Hope,_ the word that his mother used so often, is also what he still cannot make himself say aloud.

Before it’s too late, he gives the Resistance all the necessary information. He answers all their questions. He gives them excess to the bank accounts of the First Order to help the worst hit planets. He orders all his generals still alive to surrender and release the prisoners from labor camps. He shuts down the stormtrooper training program and turns FO’s surviving ships into transporters to bring them home.

Ben also insists to join all the leadership meetings to make sure his plans are implemented right, even if it means going right to the affected planets. Coming back is the worst part. He naturally suffers, feeling guilt burning him, sharp claws of regret sinking into his chest. He gazes into nowhere, terrible images of buildings ruined and flower fields burned during military occupation flashing through his head.

This is a brand new way of torture. Still, he keeps going, considering it as his _duty_.

He owes it to his family. To his mother. Without noticing tears silvering his cheeks, he tells his aching heart everything was as it should be.

People don’t care who exactly gave orders to kill, to burn, to destroy. But they know who used to be the Supreme Leader.

Being evil, being _a monster_ has a price. And Ben Solo will pay in full.

He inherited this stubbornness from both of his parents, and Rey has nothing to do with it. She sees how much he needs to do _anything_ – to negotiate, to argue, to stay up all night to plan shipments of the provisions from the FO’s warehouses.

Just A few weeks have passed, but she can’t bear his pain that makes their bond croak and howl anymore.

“ _You’re destroying yourself!_ ” she yells one day after him coming back from a meeting with Poe and the Mon Calamari generals.

Ben looks at her stunned, purple shadows deep beneath his eyes, his hair ruffled.

“I’m doing what I _must_.”

“As I do! As everyone here in the Resistance. Look at yourself. You won’t eat if I don’t tell you do it. You sleep just a couple of hours between a new trip and another meeting-”

“I need to know everything I’ve planned works.”

“Kriff! It _does_ work, Ben, don’t you see it? Why do you keep torturing yourself like that?”

_Because I deserve it._

He doesn’t have to say it, but Rey can read these words in his mind, and they make her flinch.

“I want to bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to the new world of yours.”

“ _My_ world?”

Throughout his life, Ben used to feel weight of the legacy of Skywalker and Organa. Now there is a burden in a form of the First Order as it is.

“I’m doing this for you. To protect you.”

His persistent tone makes Rey’s eyes widen. She freezes in the middle of their room, Ben passing by her to plop down on a chair. Slowly, she turns around to face him.

“B-but… still, you don’t have to follow the generals everywhere, especially on the planets where you can be called a murderer again.”

“It gives me strength,” he says, his eyes shuttering. This shakes Rey to her core. Even now, when Snoke and Palpatine have gone, it’s so hard for him to rely on something good, something kind. His smile has been so faint these days, and she doubts it pulls at his lips when she’s not around.

She managed to turn him. But is it enough? Is _she_ enough? Will he ever find the peace he wants to bring to the galaxy for _himself_?

“This is not right, Ben,” she whispers, face wet with tears, lips trembling. “I feel like I’m losing you again.”

Her emotions make their bond twist again in pain. Ben’s eyes flick open. He rushes forward to cup her cheeks tenderly, making her look him in the eye.

“Rey, sweetheart, please, don’t think like that. I’ll always be with you.”

_And he’s an idiot_. He wipes her tears with his thumbs before stroking her neck.

“It’s you. _You_ make me stronger every day, every moment of my life. Come hell or high water, the tiniest thought of you will make me feel at home.”

He kisses her forehead, hearing her soft sobs, her fists clenched between them.

Holding Rey’s warm shoulders, he realizes he hurt her _again_ when trying so hard to fix everything. He’s a real monster, after all. What else could he be even if his good intentions result in this?

“ _A monster?”_ Rey repeats aloud, pulling back and looking him over with her green eyes still glistening.

Taking his hand, she puts it on her chest, right above her heart. A rosy blush colors her cheeks, but her gaze is serious.

“Can you feel it?”

What Ben definitely feels is his face burning too. The more time they spend together, the deeper becomes his love for Rey. Sometimes he can’t even believe there can be so much love in his soul broken by darkness – _and restored by her light_.

He makes his fingers lay still.

“Can you feel my heartbeat?”

"Yes.”

“You revived my heart, love. _You_ revived it on Exegol. Do you think a monster would do the same?”

He has an answer.

“No.”

She gently touches his cheek where a scar used to be, looking into his brown eyes, as if trying to find something behind their golden sparks.

“I don’t know a monster who would be ready to give his life he has just got back to save someone else. But I know _Ben Solo_. And I love him.”

She nods his chin at him, as if asking: _do you believe me?_

He replies, leaning in and kissing her, warmth spreading inside his chest. There’s salt on Rey’s lips, but she will always be the sweetest to him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulls him closer, melting into the kiss but still a little angry.

_“Don’t you dare call yourself a monster ever again.”_

These words flash through their bond, as Rey nips his bottom lip to stress her words.

He kisses her neck, promising he’ll do his best.

That night, they fall asleep, holding each other tightly, Rey’s head resting on Ben’s bare chest and his hand wrapping around her waist.

All these meetings and trips remind him what he should do to not being a monster for _himself_. He still gets used to find strength in love instead of pain, anger, or someone’s hatred for him. Rey helps him as much as she can – through morning cuddling, sharing her food (the gesture he appreciates most of all), combing his hair with her fingers while kissing his cheeks, filling their life with these little moments of pure happiness with no hint of war.

Strength can be soft. It can be hiding in laughter, warm hugs, or bright green eyes looking at you as if they see a miracle.

And Ben Solo learns how to find it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!
> 
> Aaand I also hope you found some ROTS references :)


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